My Lucky Fin: July 2019

How do I put into words what this weekend means each year? It seems like I go to write this post and never know how to start or what to even say because I am speechless. To start, look at this...

Do yall get this?! There were 26 states represented. 4 countries and she confirmed that there were over 700 people at this conference. What amazing thing for not only Molly (the organization leader) but for all the families and people who attended! 700 people that you can relate to in one way or another. 700 people that have a limb difference or a family member who does. 700 people who flew from all over to be here this weekend. Now you know why I have a hard time putting into words how incredible this weekend is for us.

This year I decided to take my youngest with me; I thought it would be great for him to see that his brother wasn't alone in the world with a limb difference, that there are other people out there who have a lucky fin too! Well we had a blast getting to Michigan because the boys were excited. We at one point had to sprint all the way across the airport to make a connecting flight so picture this. I have my 4-year-old in a carrier on my back, my big carryon bag on my shoulder and carrying my 4-year old's backpack. Then my lucky fin is trying to run next to us, but his backpack is weighing him down, so I take that and we all take off together. I'm sure it was a site to see and holy cow was I exhausted when we got to that gate! But we made it just in time! We then got to our destination where our other lucky fin family picked us up and we took off to the hotel!

This weekend was the same set up as last year, so it was nice since we had done it all before. We saw some old friends that we had met and of course made new ones. The kids were super happy to be able to run around after being confined to airplanes and cars all day but we for sure passed out early that night because we were all so tired.

The next day is the big main event day at the park. It's so nice to be surrounded by so many amazing families and share stories. We watched as the kids played and all swapped the typical questions; "Did you know before your child was born?" "How did you react?" "Have they had to have surgeries yet?"

As I type these out I realize that they are not typical questions you ask other parents in a play group, but at this weekend, it's safe and comforting to know, as a mom, I'm not alone and these questions are normal. That other moms and dads out there understand what it was like to not know before your child was born. To understand that terrifying feeling of your 8-month-old going into surgery for the first time. To know that other parents have felt the same way is something I am forever grateful for with the Lucky Fin Project organization.

One of the best parts is to see your kid playing with other kids that are just like him. To see the light bulb go off in his head knowing that he isn't alone in this world, that he might be the only one in his school or that he plays with but that he isn't alone. If there is one thing I hope he takes away from these weekends is that he isn't alone and luckily I think he is already learning that.

So after a full day at the park of playing, seeing police dog demonstrations, firetrucks, making crafts, eating BBQ and having a great day we went back to the hotel for a much needed nap before the night festivities began! Every year Tony Memmel, a one-handed guitarist, plays a concert that the kids love and we as parents get to sit back and watch them sing and dance and be in awe of how he plays.

Once the concert is done we have the luxury of talking to all the other parents some more as it is our final night. The kids continue to run around (how they still have energy I will never know!) but it is such a fun and safe environment that you can't help but enjoy. We got to meet some amazing people from the Florida Lucky Fin chapter so that will be nice as we go through the year to have meet ups and keep up with our Florida Lucky Fin family.

To say that I am grateful for Molly and the organization she has created would be an understatement. She has helped me as a mom realize that it's ok to have questions and to be scared. And she has given me a community of other parents to be able to talk to and rely on when I feel like no one else gets it. But more importantly she has given my son a community. I realized this last year but now that we are another year in and another year older I was really able to see him make friends and grow friendships from last year and it made me realize it's all going to be ok. She has provided a community that we will always have and that will just continue to grow. We have started the countdown already for when we will be going again next year!

Thank you Molly and Ryan! We love you guys!

Not on purpose at all but the boys matched and the girls matched and then moms matched with our hats!

When you think you're cool because you got your mom's sunglasses

The three amigos

Have a Blessed day!

#LFPweekend2019

Disclaimer:

This post is going to be long and a little different than normal but it's been heavy on my mind lately.

One of my best friends is going back to work tomorrow from maternity leave so this topic has come up quite a bit. Why can't we work remote? Why do we have to leave our kid and go back to work? Why do we have to sacrifice our time with them to also provide for them. Why? We both have asked this question, her more recently than I but it brought back all those familiar feelings I had gone through when I started back to work.

As a mom, there is this love for your child that cannot be explained and no one can parent better than you right? It doesn't matter if your chosen day care has a 1:1 ratio, it's not you. It doesn't matter that dad get's to stay home with your newborn, it's not you and it sucks.

I remember when my kids were both first born thinking, how could I ever leave them? At the time, I was lucky enough to stay home for the first few years but then things got tight and I needed an outlet so we thought, why not try a temp position and give me working a shot. It was great! I got called real quick, interviewed and them hired all within a week and I was so excited. But then reality set in of leaving my boys, my babies. They would stay with their dad some of the time when he wasn't working but then the other times I would drop them off and pick them up from a baby sitter. Now, she was amazing and I couldn't have asked for better, but she wasn't me. Their dad was their dad, but it wasn't me. It was so hard getting those message during the day of what the boys were doing, how they were playing or napping or whatever it was that day, it was hard but I loved it.

I had finally found a job that I was good at and actually enjoyed so I struggled with feeling like I shouldn't be happy to go to work, I felt guilty that I was leaving my kids, that "someone else was raising them", and I felt guilty that I loved my job. Where is that line? Why can't I, as a mom, feel good about both? Why has society created this thing of working mom vs stay at home moms? There's shouldn't be this divide and should be support from all around.

Again, I was a stay at home mom for 3 years so I know all that goes into that and just needing a break. I remember those exhausting days where my newborn wouldn't stop crying and my 1 year old wouldn't listen and I just needed someone to come help. Help me with dinner, or laundry or taking the kids for 10 min so I could cry in peace. Those days that felt endless because everyone was crying (including me!) I remember this one time I locked myself in the closet. Jude was super attached that day and Cooper wouldn't stop crying. No one was listening and I was home alone with no help and I just needed a break. I put the TV on and made sure Cooper was safe and walked into my closet and locked myself in there. It wasn't more than 2 seconds later, Jude was banging on the door yelling while Cooper screamed in the background. I know the struggles of being a stay at home mom all too well and it can be exhausting.

But now I also now know the struggles of being a working mom. The getting up super early and having to wake the kids before the sun, get me ready and get them ready and rush out the door. Some mornings are great and go without an issue and others I am almost in tears when we are getting in the car because nothing has gone as planned. I'm telling the kids to please just give mommy a moment without saying anything.. Then dropping them off at school, rushing to work to get there on time and be a good employee. Talk to people all day because that's my job and then hurry home to feed the kids, bath, books and then bed. - Somedays I feel like I barely see my children but when they go to bed I am relieved but miss them so much. - Oh, and then after dinner do all the housework, clean up from dinner, take care of the dog, shower and maybe get some TV or a book in before passing out so we can repeat it all the next day.

As exhausting as all of this seems, I wouldn't trade either for anything. I loved being a stay at home mom and feel blessed that I had that opportunity because not everyone does. Being able to have those days that everything flowed perfectly. Playdates with other kids and moms, pool time or going to the zoo. I remember it all like it was yesterday and I miss it. Or the days where we all get up happy in the morning and they get ready for school while I now get ready for work and we get in the car happy and I cry as I leave them because I just wish I could stay and play all day.

But what about that guilt? How are we supposed to deal with it? If we stay at home, society says we should work, if we work, society says we should stay at home. We can't win. But what we can do is show up for our kids. Whether we work or stay home, we can be there. Don't get me wrong, everyone has a bad day or kids that don't want to listen but that's when we can show them compassion. Show them it's ok to have a bad day, mom has bad days often! But it's how they act and respond to that bad day that will determine how the rest of the day plays out.

We can stay at home with our kids knowing that this is what is needed in life right now. Don't feel guilty for "not contributing" because you are! I'm sure we have all seen it but you are the chef, the maid, the butler, the homemaker, the educator, the business manager, the _____ fill in the blank on what you do everyday and feel good about yourself! What you are doing is some of the hardest work as being a stay at home mom. It's not easy and not everyone can do it so I applaud you. You don't have to be that "Pinterest" mom because guess what, she doesn't exist! But kudos to you stay at home moms!

And to the working moms... Stop feeling guilty for working! Trust me, I feel like that often, especially when my kids are sitting in the back seat as we go to school and they are asking why I have to work and I can't stay and play with them. It kills me every time but I also get to show them what a hard working mom looks like. I get to be excited when we can splurge on a new toy because I worked for that for them. To see their little faces light up when I come home with new Nerf guns for a war we are going to have. I feel guilty leaving them almost everyday, but I know that I get to provide and show them a hard working mom and for that, I am proud.

Last thing that I want to pass on is this: Create new traditions.

When I was a stay at home mom we had some things that we did weekly, whether it was a bible study, weekly play date, one on one time with them, it was something. So when I started working I felt terrible that I couldn't do all of that with them. Especially since their dad and I share time, my weekends are precious time and it's hard to fit everything in that we want. But I started movie night with the boys. Every Friday night that I have them, we watch a movie. They always want to stay up late and I am always exhausted from work but wanted special time with them so movie night happened. We have what is called "snack dinner" (A bunch of healthy items they choose from to eat little bits of; strawberries, cheese sticks, peanut butter crackers, etc.) and they eat in front of the TV watching whatever movie we decide on that night. When they are done with dinner they climb on the couch and I attempt cuddles which sometimes works and other times not. Either way, my kids love this new tradition and it has helped me not feel as guilty being a working mom.

Anyway, hopefully this helps, or maybe it's just me being able to feel better about it all, either way your kids will grow up knowing you loved them. Stay at home mom or working mom, it doesn't matter.

Hopefully some of this can help!